I’m glad I’m not in Miami. All that cheering and banging on pots and pans and dancing around in the street. My heart couldn’t take it, because no matter what they say, they’re cheering for Fidel’s death.
At the same time, I wouldn’t care to be in Havana now either, headed for nine days of mourning. Raúl, please, we could use a little pura vida here. A whole lot of political blather is what we’ll get, without a word from those Cubans who’ve been secretly fed up with Fidel for years. Official speeches and mourning for nine days! I suppose Fidel might appreciate it, wherever he is now—but don’t ask my opinion about that kind of thing.
It’s the opposite of all this posturing that I loved about our years in the Sierra: the rawness of it, the simplicity and violence. I know I’m not supposed to like war, with people getting killed all the time. But people were getting killed all the time before the Revolution started, murdered by Batista’s secret service and his Guardia Rural. Celia Sánchez had it right when she said we were better at war than domestic life, that we didn’t know what do do with husbands and wives and children, or with tranquility of any kind. And politics, to me, was more difficult than domestic life!
I do wish I’d been there when el jefe was dying. Not so I could take a side, but to be close to him in his last minutes, and remember him the way we all knew him at the start, as the great light of Cuba. Many who came to hate him, started out by loving him.
Living here in Costa Rica, I have some distance on all of it. And what I think about now is that anyone who cheers, either for Fidel or against him, is bound to be cheering against members of their own family. Because inside every Cuban family—every one, if you spread the net wide enough—is someone who loves Fidel, and someone else who’s glad that he’s finally dead.
Coño, I could make some trouble. All I’d have to do would be to go back to Havana, let them know it was me, and start telling the truth as I see it. I’m just about the only Cuban that both sides love, so I’m sure they’d listen. But Raúl would also listen, and after I’d talked about him for a while, I’d probably be back in jail.
The next thing that will actually happen, of course, is that Clare will read this and jump on me for ever imagining that I could put myself in that danger. But that’s how it goes with Fidel: even beyond the grave, he stirs everyone up.